Uddhava’s heart was fluttering with excitement. A few metres ahead of him was Madhuvana, the first of the twelve forests that together make up the Vraj bhoomi. He was told that these forests were very old and had existed since the Satya Yuga. Lord Vishnu is said to have destroyed the demon Madhu in the region. Madhu was such a nice name; one of Krishna’s childhood friends was called Madhu too – Madhumangal. It was difficult for Uddhava to imagine a demon with a sweet name. Even one of the two demons who the lord battled at the beginning of creation was named Madhu. They say that he was born from the ear wax of Lord Vishnu. He represented all the sweet things that people hear and develop cravings for. Any craving takes you away from your centre, away from contentment.

Uddhava pondered about the difference between craving and longing. Craving comes from feeling lack, and longing is born from the depth of fullness. Craving takes you into the world, away from the self. Longing pulls your senses inwards, away from the world and closer to yourself. After you attain what you crave for, you are left empty-handed in the same place you were before the desire arose. Then you look for the next object to chase. When you attain what you long for, the very longing flips into bliss. There is nothing beyond.

His chariot had entered the forest and he was slowly driving past the ancient trees with abundant hives. He could hear the sound of the buzzing bees that flew around with the sole purpose of collecting tiny drops of nectar. Similarly, the mind goes out into the world looking for nectar everywhere. And yes, there certainly is nectar hidden in each experience. But like the bees, it is important to return home to the Self and not just keep searching. This is why we get tired, Uddhava thought to himself. When he looked back at his own life, he felt like a bee collecting nectar across events – the nectar of wisdom. And his search had now brought him to this forest filled with memories of the nectarine pastimes of Krishna as a child. It was almost as if he could hear the laughter of the boys as they ran barefoot between the trees. He imagined them relishing the fresh honey from the hives as they rested on the cool forest floor.

He wondered about all the “honey” he had collected in his life – in what manner would he offer it to Krishna? Of what use was wisdom to Krishna? Wisdom was sweet for Uddhava. But what was honey for Krishna? A gentle breeze blew and all the leaves from the trees danced and rustled. It sounded like they were whispering something to him. Uddhava thought he heard the sound “Krishna …” in the rustling of the leaves. Wow, is this the effect that Vraj bhoomi has on everyone? Uddhava thought. He felt as if the trees sensed his presence. He became strongly aware of them and then felt a deep loneliness. His heart ached and tears were fighting to spill out for no reason. Why was Uddhava fighting them? There was no one here who might see or judge him. He let go and allowed his tears to flow. He was a witness to his own emotions. A few moments later, the tears subsided; his being felt so light and he found a deep serenity. He discovered a silence that was sweeter than any understanding that all the wisdom he had gained so far had brought him. Was it this silence that was honey to Krishna? But this silence came to him as a gift of the longing he experienced. What did Krishna ever long for? He remembered Subhadra sharing the story of Krishna crying for Radha and smiled to himself. Her love was honey for Krishna. The idea of being a devotee had taken deep root in Uddhava’s heart and he thought to himself, If I could have the same devotion as Radha, then my sweet tears of longing will become honey for Krishna.

Lost in his thoughts, Uddhava arrived at a lake with crystal clear water and fragrant blue lilies. He was thirsty and the water looked inviting. He filled his palms and drank his fill. The grass around the lake was dotted with little purple and pink flowers. A koyal was perched on a small branch overhanging from a nearby tree, singing in an intense voice. There was no other bird around but it did not seem to be waiting for a reply. Communicating without another to listen to, how does that work?

From a distance, he saw some cowherds approaching with their cows and calves. Uddhava got up, eager to meet the gopas. They would be among the first of Krishna’s childhood companions that he would interact with. They saw him too and approached respectfully. They observed his appearance and asked him, “Have you come from where Krishna is?”

“Yes, he sent me to Vrindavan to meet everyone here. What brings you to this lake?”

They looked at each other with a smile and told Uddhava, “This lake is called Krishna Kund. We come here for lunch every day. This is where we used to have lunch together with Krishna and Balarama when they were in Vrindavan.” Another gopa added, “We don’t feel like eating anywhere else. We feel that he is waiting for us here. Would you like to join us today? We will be honoured if you do.”

Uddhava accepted the offer and they sat down to eat. They placed a clean white sheet on the ground and kept all that they had brought on it. They sat around, closed their eyes and started praying to Krishna to accept their offerings. Uddhava had never prayed to Krishna before. He closed his eyes, joined his palms and thought of Krishna with his head bowed. He felt as though a flower was blossoming in his heart and he was being tickled from the inside by the love that he felt. He found an answer to all the one-sided communication that was abundant in nature. It was more a song of the heart, a prayer. The one listening was deep within, at the very core of one’s existence. He opened his eyes and saw that one gopa had risen and was taking portions from what was offered to Krishna and handing it out to the others, one by one. “Krishna always served food to all of us every day. He shared everything that Ma Yashoda would have packed for him.”

“She makes such delicious milk sweets! We have literally grown up on them!” added another.

“Speak for yourself, Madhu! You ate more than half of all the sweets that would come almost every day!” All the others laughed as Madhumangal turned pink.

“Krishna would also take a portion from all of our lunch packs,” he further explained to Uddhava. “I remember how our mothers would ask us every day if Krishna liked what they had sent. They would wait eagerly for this news and sleep contentedly once we told them that Krishna loved it!”

Uddhava wondered if Radha, Lalitha and the other gopis also made food for Krishna. He enquired about them. Madhumangal was the first to answer. “Yes, yes, they certainly did! I remember this one time when Radha, Lalitha and Vishaka – the three of them always did things together – made such tasty sweets like ladoos, peda, kheer and were taking all of it somewhere with them. I was with Krishna at that time and the fragrance of the fresh sweets reached us much before they did. They were such mouth-watering delights! Krishna and I just followed the amazing scent of the sweets and saw the three girls walking through the forest, carrying them in nicely decorated mud pots. We asked them to share a few but those girls refused. Can you imagine the cheek?! Refusing Krishna and his best friend a few ladoos! But there was no convincing the girls. It was apparently some prasad that they had to carry to the temple. ‘These are offerings to Surya dev, Madhu. Keep your hands away from them! As soon as our mothers find an appropriate pandit, they will conduct the puja,’ Lalitha chided. ‘This is a very important puja for us to find suitable husbands,’ Vishaka added with an air of importance. Radha had a soft corner for us but with these two around, she couldn’t break the rules either. I wondered who was going to get to eat those tasty sweets. In any case, the girls left and we were wondering what to do to get our hands on the sweets. And Krishna came up with a fantastic plan! Since we had recently moved to Vrindavan, very few women from Barsana had seen us. Krishna and I disguised ourselves as young pandits from Mathura, students of a great acharya. We made sure that the mothers of Radha, Lalitha and Vishaka found us. ‘Oh, young pandits! Who may you be? Pray, tell us,’ the innocent ladies asked us. We introduced ourselves and said that the only deity to whom we offer puja was Surya dev! You should have seen the expression of delight on the mother’s faces. Madhu chuckled to himself while another gopa made a ball from his upper cloth and flung it on him. You two are really incorrigible! Will you stop laughing and continue the story? Please remember we have a dignified guest with us,” the gopa reminded Madhu.

Excerpted with permission from Radha: A Tale of Divine Love, Bhanumathi Narasimhan, Westland.

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