Are you ready for the Cyrus Broacha Academy Awards?

Satheesh Vellinezhi
| Photo Credit: Satheesh Vellinezhi

Folks, you won’t believe it. I’m scared to tell you. Okay, since you insist, I’ll tell you, just to avoid you from throwing a tantrum. Here it is — I’m in pain, excruciating pain, but I’m still writing the column. That’s different from you being in excruciating pain while reading this column.

The thing is, I was playing cricket with my three-year-old nephew, and he swung the plastic ball onto my big toenail. It sounds innocuous, but the pain was unbearable. If you don’t believe me please drop a plastic ball on your toenail, and see if you survive to tell the tale. The worst part was my nephew’s malicious, nay make that, malevolent grin at my screams of terror. I think three-year-olds shouldn’t be exposed to general society; they are far too feral and dangerous.

Now, onto some good thoughts. It’s award season. Awards will be coming thick and fast. In a subsequent column, (depending on both, yours and my pain threshold), I’ll share with you my idea on the C.B.A.A. the Cyrus Broacha Academy Awards.

However, this week, we go into our first huge award splurge, and it’s to do with March 8, also known as International Women’s Day. First, lets clear some doubts, both, March 7 and March 8 can be celebrated as Women’s Day. But, not March 9. By then, men have had enough, and will probably start behaving as badly as my three-year-old nephew. The reason why March 7 and 8 are made available is (a) it’s a women’s prerogative, and (b) depending on if you are in a first world, or third-world country, you could adjust your choice accordingly.

By the way, there is only one second-world country, and that is the country of San Marino. This is a country with a total land mass of 60 kilometres. If you want to leave the country, you just have to drive at 80 kilometres an hour and you are out of the country, in a second. Hence the name. (Readers are advised not to calculate this scientifically, and then write angry letters to me). Let’s leave the quiet solitude of second-world country San Marino and get back to International Women’s Day. Where paradoxically, we tend to award women of our very own nationality, but add international to the presentation to uplift the occasion and cause confusion and infighting.

This week we must all make a choice: me to choose my international, national woman of the year, and you whether to continue reading this column. Please remember, you’ll be inundated by award presentations, such as, Woman CEO of The Year, Changemaker of The Year or Woman’s Rights Campaigner.

In the spirit of this er… global movement, let me wish all the readers, a very happy international, national, Women’s Day.

The writer has dedicated his life to communism. Though only on weekends.

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